Adventures of Inauguration

Getting to the inauguration yesterday was a true journey. I intended on going to the Parade route along Pennsylvania Avenue, hmm let's just say that didn't work out as planned.
I stood at Rhode Island Ave Metro for about 30 minutes there was a distorted message that kept coming over the speakers, no one knew what the muttered voice was saying. Suddenly, a voice says loud and clear "the red line is experiencing delays; a passenger was struck by a train at Gallery Place." My sister looked at me, "well we're going to have to park and Ma's house and walk." My mom lives in the capitol hill area.  My feet were already frozen and it was already about 9:20.
After about a 15 minute walk, there stood the Capitol I started to get happy, 'yes' I thought to myself. We outsmarted the tourists! Unfortunately there were the national guard. "Get on the sidewalk and walk to the left!" Just what I didn't want a Detour.
By the time we finished walking we were at the monument, but we were late and we couldn't get anywhere near a jumbo tron. We started to walk back towards the capitol, with minor delays; my sister wanted to stop at every booth and table to get Obama-rabilia, as if she were a tourist.
We ended up on the south side of the Capitol, there were no screens on that side (why wouldn't they put jumbo trons all around???) We could hear the crowd chanting "Obama, Obama" I looked at my cell phone it was 11:17...I knew that this wasn't going to work. We walked towards Eastern Market, and voila...there was a TV screen outside of a law office. What was a group of about 5 people quickly turned into a group of 50 or more. People were in the middle of the street and across the street trying to watch a 40' flat screen t.v. There was a news reporter from channel 6 news (I have no idea of what city or state). There was a vendor who was very disgruntled, while President Obama was being sworn in, he cursed "Nobody wants to buy sh*t, everyone wants to look at the f*cking TV." Despite his ignorance, and him cursing at an onlooker...things were pretty smooth.
 Tears were flowing and random strangers hugging each other. I was so proud of what I was witnessing, and I was very happy that I convinced my sister to come along...that is until I realized that I had to walk about 16 blocks to get back home.

Too Close for Comfort

Sardines, wolves, and Honda lovers—just a few things that usually come in packs. Well now, add Washingtonian commuters to that list. I can remember when I was a little grasshopper in Social Studies class. We were reading about Japan and there was a picture of their rail system in Tokyo. The train was so crowded that officers in white gloves were outside of the train doors pushing people in so that everyone could fit. I pointed and laughed with my friends at how ridiculous that looked. I haven't been on the metro in a few years so imagine my surprise when I get to the station after a long, tiresome day. "All I want to do is get home", I thought. I waited impatiently on the platform while the train made it's screeching approach and good lord—the train was absolutely packed. I told myself I was getting on the train, somehow…and I did effortlessly since I'm no bigger than a minute. There was about a quarter of a centimeter leftover, enough space to comfortably fit an ant. Apparently, eight other people told themselves the same thing (some of whom fit into the category of "large-and-in charge"). What the hell?! I had to turn into a contortionist just to remain grounded. Now my hair was stuck in the door, my breast were pressed against some one's back, some guy had his elbow directly in my ribcage, a pregnant lady had her stomach on my thigh (the baby kicked twice) and I could've sworn someone was palming my ass. This was ridiculous! What had changed in a matter of a few years? I'm not going to point the finger *ahem* condos, but there needs to be a solution: either cutback on the number of jobs in the city or stop building condominiums! There are more condos sprouting up in the city than plants in the Amazon. These pricey apartments are cramming thousands of people into the city and surrounding areas and interfering with the once reliable transportation system. Please, think about the native Washingtonians—I'm being groped on the metro for goodness sake!

Wondermom!

So I was reading a story about the French Justice Minister Rachida Dati who has returned to work just five days after giving birth to her first child via C-section, a baby girl named Zohra. Dati was spotted at the Elysee Palace in heels! Now I'm no pregnantologist, but is this lady serious? Five days! I’m all for being a career mom--alpha woman rah, rah-- but this lady is taking it too far. She probably was sitting in the Monday morning meeting, stitches busting, bleeding through her shirt--eww. Maybe it’s best this lady did have a C-section because if she had a natural birth she would’ve been walking around with placenta hanging out her ying-yang. I can’t help but to question her parenting skills. God forbid her little girl breaks her ankle on a soccer field, she’ll take her to get a cask….then drive her right back to the game saying “Now make mommy proud”. Obviously, her priorities are ordered: a) work, b.) more work, and c.) didn’t I have a kid or something a few days ago? Maybe it’s just my own biased opinion, but I think a bedside feeding is more important than a cabinet meeting. I don’t know how long this android women has been away from Krypton, but if I just had a kid I would be laying in my bed doped up on some morphine.

Sure I'll Cash Your Fraudulent Checks for You...

In this unstable and unpredictable economy many of us are searching for new employment. We post our resumes on job boards such as Monster, Career Builder, and my favorite Craig's List. Now it is bad enough that a receptionist is required to possess 7+ years experience, a Master's, and two certifications only to make $10 per hour. We now have to deal with the following foolery:

"Hi, I saw your ad at www.craigslist.com so i thought i should contact you so as to know if you will be interested in my offer. I come to the states often mostly for business purposes because i deal mostly in jewelry. I supply watches,bracelets,wedding rings and jewelry to stores in the states and europe .Infact that is my family business because we are from Switzerland.Unfortunately my father passed away on the 30th of september 2007 and as the only son in my family i had to go and take care of the family business back in Geneva,Switzerland and i realised that it will be very difficult to supply goods to my clients again in the United states while am away and it will definitely cost me a lot to come over to receive payments because they pay mostly in checks and money orders .So to run the business from there it will be difficult and will be impossible especially the aspect of payment and i dont also want to lose my clients or customers there ...."

Hmm, I don't know why I am not buying this...maybe it's the grammar or possibly the fact that this was sent from a hotmail account, perhaps it's because 'Pedro' sent it (that doesn't sound Swiss at all). In any event Mr. Pedro, If I were to compromise my freedom by cashing bogus checks and money orders I definitely would not send the money to you; I would keep it all instead of the $1200 per month that you suggested in your e-mail. I think I am gonna have to say no thanks to this one.

Damn Birds!

CNN reports that US Airways flight 1549 was forced to make an emergency landing in the Hudson River due to a bird strike. Now, this is no attempt by me to become a credible news source. I am glad that everyone on board is alive and accounted for. With that said, I will get to the topic at hand...Evil Terrorist Birds. It is important to mention that at the tender age of 12, I was attacked by a flock of Sea Gulls. I remember it like it was yesterday, I was on the boardwalk in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware I was set to tear into some Boardwalk fries...but the Sea Gulls were ready to tear into me. They pecked at my braids, continuously flew around me until I gave up and tossed my fries in the trash. These fowl are getting really foul! Taking down commercial airliners, wreaking havoc on unsuspecting beach goers, and worst of all crapping on your windshield while you're at work trying to make an honest living... I don't know about you, but I have had enough!

Misunderestimated?

Do not frown upon me, don't look down your nose at the ignorance that is the title to this blog entry. "Misunderestimated" is a term coined by our brilliant and intellectual current President, George Dubya (yeah, I know I started the countdown too). When I was first acquainted with Bushisms, I was frequently checking Webster's, after all he is my commander-in-chief...if he says something it must be to my knowledge, politically correct right? hmmm, I digress. I was appeased to see that Mr. President stayed true to form throughout his 8 years... despite everyone misunderestimating him. In his final press conference as President of the United States he stated, and I quote, "Umm, sometimes didn't like the stories that you wrote or reported on. Sometimes you, umm, misunderestimated me." Tsk Tsk. He has experienced a fair share of obtuseness throughout his two terms, but I must say that 'misunderestimated' is one of my favorite Bushisms, right along with 'commiserate'!

The wheels on the bus...

So I was reading today about a school bus driver in Montana who made an unscheduled stop at a liquor store. Then she allegedly asked a student to help hide her purchases when police stopped her. "It does not appear the driver had been drinking", Billings Public Schools Superintendent Jack Copps said. No charges had been filed but the driver quit her job this week.

So let me get this straight, this poor soul got a bus full of rowdy, snotty nose kids. They've probably been throwing paper balls, pencils and putting boogers on her while she's driving. I was there, I remember those days I'm sure it's only gotten worse. In lieu of turning around to choke the hell out of one of those damn brats, she handles the situation in a very adult way. She thought, "OK, I'm just going to swing past Eddie's Liquor/Check Cashing, get myself a bottle of some Maddog 20/20—but I'm not going to drink it yet because that's the responsible thing to do." And they want to prosecute her for that?! Do you know how many times I got off a school bus with a migraine and crook in my neck because of a drunken school bus driver. It's normal, that's what they do! They can't tolerate people's bad ass kids so they have to tip the bottle every now and then.

Furthermore, that little chic who's supposed to be hiding her stash is a snitch. I was seven years old getting off the bus with my Rugrats lunchbox and a slipped disk, but I didn't complain. The lesson to be learned is: Parents need to teach their kids the rule of the streets: snitches get stitches.

Maybe It's Time to Put the Ganja Down

According to a newspaper report, two US citizens were busted for creating a fake penis used to cheat drug tests. Gerald Willis 65, and Robert Catalano 62 are the brains behind the 'Whizzinator.' Which is a system that heats synthetic urine so that men can pass drug tests. Now, I try not to be judgemental, but when you are at a point where you are typing 'prosthetic penis' or 'synthetic urine' in the google search bar, chances are you are not in a good place. I understand that people handle their problems differently, but what happened to the good ole fashion remedies like drinking plenty water, cranberry juice, or venturing to that organic market to get some of that 'cleansing' juice...has anyone ever heard of detox tea?!