Space Romance

So I was watching the History Channel late last night. The documentary was called "The Universe: Sex In Space." Hmmm...this outta be interesting I thought. Interesting indeed! Vanna Bonta, is the creator of the "2Suit" and the 2Suit was created for a couple who wants to have intimacy in zero gravity. The 2suit opposes Newton's law of motion, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. The suit has 2 Velcro strips where two people can connect and have sex in space. Usually after watching the History Channel I feel a bit more informed. However, this particular documentary left me with more questions.

The average Joe couldn't just go to Expedia and purchase a Space Shuttle flight, so who exactly was the 2Suit created for? I mean really I don't think there are too many horny Astronauts...but then again remember Lisa Nowak and the NASA love triangle?

Too Close for Comfort

Sardines, wolves, and Honda lovers—just a few things that usually come in packs. Well now, add Washingtonian commuters to that list. I can remember when I was a little grasshopper in Social Studies class. We were reading about Japan and there was a picture of their rail system in Tokyo. The train was so crowded that officers in white gloves were outside of the train doors pushing people in so that everyone could fit. I pointed and laughed with my friends at how ridiculous that looked. I haven't been on the metro in a few years so imagine my surprise when I get to the station after a long, tiresome day. "All I want to do is get home", I thought. I waited impatiently on the platform while the train made it's screeching approach and good lord—the train was absolutely packed. I told myself I was getting on the train, somehow…and I did effortlessly since I'm no bigger than a minute. There was about a quarter of a centimeter leftover, enough space to comfortably fit an ant. Apparently, eight other people told themselves the same thing (some of whom fit into the category of "large-and-in charge"). What the hell?! I had to turn into a contortionist just to remain grounded. Now my hair was stuck in the door, my breast were pressed against some one's back, some guy had his elbow directly in my ribcage, a pregnant lady had her stomach on my thigh (the baby kicked twice) and I could've sworn someone was palming my ass. This was ridiculous! What had changed in a matter of a few years? I'm not going to point the finger *ahem* condos, but there needs to be a solution: either cutback on the number of jobs in the city or stop building condominiums! There are more condos sprouting up in the city than plants in the Amazon. These pricey apartments are cramming thousands of people into the city and surrounding areas and interfering with the once reliable transportation system. Please, think about the native Washingtonians—I'm being groped on the metro for goodness sake!

Sure I'll Cash Your Fraudulent Checks for You...

In this unstable and unpredictable economy many of us are searching for new employment. We post our resumes on job boards such as Monster, Career Builder, and my favorite Craig's List. Now it is bad enough that a receptionist is required to possess 7+ years experience, a Master's, and two certifications only to make $10 per hour. We now have to deal with the following foolery:

"Hi, I saw your ad at www.craigslist.com so i thought i should contact you so as to know if you will be interested in my offer. I come to the states often mostly for business purposes because i deal mostly in jewelry. I supply watches,bracelets,wedding rings and jewelry to stores in the states and europe .Infact that is my family business because we are from Switzerland.Unfortunately my father passed away on the 30th of september 2007 and as the only son in my family i had to go and take care of the family business back in Geneva,Switzerland and i realised that it will be very difficult to supply goods to my clients again in the United states while am away and it will definitely cost me a lot to come over to receive payments because they pay mostly in checks and money orders .So to run the business from there it will be difficult and will be impossible especially the aspect of payment and i dont also want to lose my clients or customers there ...."

Hmm, I don't know why I am not buying this...maybe it's the grammar or possibly the fact that this was sent from a hotmail account, perhaps it's because 'Pedro' sent it (that doesn't sound Swiss at all). In any event Mr. Pedro, If I were to compromise my freedom by cashing bogus checks and money orders I definitely would not send the money to you; I would keep it all instead of the $1200 per month that you suggested in your e-mail. I think I am gonna have to say no thanks to this one.

The wheels on the bus...

So I was reading today about a school bus driver in Montana who made an unscheduled stop at a liquor store. Then she allegedly asked a student to help hide her purchases when police stopped her. "It does not appear the driver had been drinking", Billings Public Schools Superintendent Jack Copps said. No charges had been filed but the driver quit her job this week.

So let me get this straight, this poor soul got a bus full of rowdy, snotty nose kids. They've probably been throwing paper balls, pencils and putting boogers on her while she's driving. I was there, I remember those days I'm sure it's only gotten worse. In lieu of turning around to choke the hell out of one of those damn brats, she handles the situation in a very adult way. She thought, "OK, I'm just going to swing past Eddie's Liquor/Check Cashing, get myself a bottle of some Maddog 20/20—but I'm not going to drink it yet because that's the responsible thing to do." And they want to prosecute her for that?! Do you know how many times I got off a school bus with a migraine and crook in my neck because of a drunken school bus driver. It's normal, that's what they do! They can't tolerate people's bad ass kids so they have to tip the bottle every now and then.

Furthermore, that little chic who's supposed to be hiding her stash is a snitch. I was seven years old getting off the bus with my Rugrats lunchbox and a slipped disk, but I didn't complain. The lesson to be learned is: Parents need to teach their kids the rule of the streets: snitches get stitches.

Maybe It's Time to Put the Ganja Down

According to a newspaper report, two US citizens were busted for creating a fake penis used to cheat drug tests. Gerald Willis 65, and Robert Catalano 62 are the brains behind the 'Whizzinator.' Which is a system that heats synthetic urine so that men can pass drug tests. Now, I try not to be judgemental, but when you are at a point where you are typing 'prosthetic penis' or 'synthetic urine' in the google search bar, chances are you are not in a good place. I understand that people handle their problems differently, but what happened to the good ole fashion remedies like drinking plenty water, cranberry juice, or venturing to that organic market to get some of that 'cleansing' juice...has anyone ever heard of detox tea?!